We all get flooded with forwards, quizzes, polls and my in box is no exception. Sometimes when it’s gets to that last painful half an hour of work your mind tends to drift and you find simple pleasure in finding out things like how addicted to Twitter you are or how many Baboons you could take in a fight (28 in case you’re curious).
I got included in an email that lists what I should/shouldn’t be doing in a new relationship, here was the break down:
Stage One ( 0 – 3 months). Make sure you know enough about his or her:
– Family background
– Attitude towards life, about love, commitment, children (if you want to have some), personal growth, professional help etc.
– Spiritual beliefs and practices, ethics and morals
– Sexual attitudes and preferences
– Career goals, financial background and habits
– Past love relationships, sexual history (including sexually transmitted diseases), break up patterns or lessons learned – Health habits food, exercise, grooming, cleanliness – personal and surroundings etc – Fears, phobias, addictions and any mental health problems, etc. – Interests, hobbies, dislikes etc
So far, I think I’m doing okay. – I do question the ‘break up patterns’ and ‘mental health problems’ – how do you approach these subjects? Do you just drop into conversation with your partner ‘So, if you were to dump me how would you do it? Or, If I was to dump you would you start stalking me?’
Stage Two (3 – 12 months). At this stage you should be sure whether you are emotionally invested in this relationship or not. If you are not or feel that the other person is not, this is the time to get out. Be honest about how the relationship makes you feel.
– Do you feel the person is emotionally mature? – Do you feel he or she hasn’t recovered from past relationships? – Does he or she seem to have serious issues from his or her childhood that may or are affecting the relationship (needy, dependant, controlling, manipulative, abusive etc)?
– Is he or she emotionally (and physically) available – do you spend enough quality time together?
– Do you care more about the person than he or she does about you?
– Does he or she care more about you than you do about him or her?
– Are you more in love with the person’s potential than the real person?
– Are you infatuated with him or her for external reasons (looks, family background, social status, material possessions etc) more than you really care about the person?
– Are you spiritually and sexually compatible? Does the person remind you a lot about a previous partner (in an uncomfortable way?)
– Do you exaggerate the persons qualities or lie to friends, family or co-workers about how you truly feel and about the relationship? – Does the person support you in your goals, ambitions, interests etc and are they proud of you and show it?
– Is the person faithful, devoted and affectionate towards you?
– DO YOU FEEL LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY?
After a year with your non-mentalist-utterly-devoted-goal-supporting partner you’re then ready for the final stage…
Stage Three (Over 12 months). At this stage you should be in love. You know you love him or her and he or she loves you. You get along well and you’ve introduced him or her to friends, family and colleagues.
Make sure that you’ve discussed all the possible time bombs and have agreed on how to handle issues related to this when they come up (and if there are any)
– Significant age difference
– Differences in spiritual or religious beliefs
– Differences in social, racial, ethnic or educational background
– Children from previous marriage or relationships, in-laws and other extended family Ex-spouse (s), girlfriends, boyfriends etc.
– Holidays, gifts, anniversaries and other special occasions
The critical success factor in determining your relationship’s success however, lies in knowing what you want, relying on proper communication and knowing how to compromise when you know you have found that special someone.
So if you were every worried you were doing it wrong, jsut follw these 3 easy stages…!!